These past few months, my grandmother has been getting weaker and weaker. She's gotten so weak to the point that she can barely manage to walk, let alone stand. She fell once out in the streets and lost consciousness on my 18th birthday. She fell again yesterday. She can't do anything except sit. She hasn't showered in days and my mom is at the moment showering for her. I'm afraid to let her sleep because I feel like she can go at any moment. It feels selfish of me to be so happy and forget to think of her when i am at school and whatnot. I held her hand just now to lead her to the bathroom and even so she could barely manage to take small little steps. It felt like helping an infant. And that makes me sad. I hate that its hard to talk to her and get to know her because of how American I am and how Vietnamese she is. But in the 18 years that I've known her, I found that shes usually grumpy. She loves sweets. She doesn't talk about death, but she's very afraid. She loves her grandchildren, especially our little Anthony. She likes technology and wants an Iphone but doesn't know how to use it. She is afraid to let this weakness take over her and therefore refuses using adult diapers and the walking stick. She drinks mostly tea. She is a very warm person although she acts cold and comes off as someone very mean. She loves shopping. She's is straight forward and sometimes inconsiderate. So maybe I haven't had a full head to head conversation with her but through many little ones and much observation, I got to know this woman, who portrays such a strong mother figure for me. 18 years, i have known her. 18 years too fast. I am now only becoming a young adult and im excited for what life has in store for me. But I am afraid because she will also be aging, and I fully understand that the dreaded day will come soon and I hate that those thoughts will haunt me every single day I am with my grandmother. but I guess I shouldn't be sad and tearful around her, instead I should smile and laugh so she can end her life happy and be content with how wonderful her 80 years on earth were.